It started on a whim. I was bored one day. I wanted some fun. The rain was pelting down so I had no real desire to go out. I was a long way from my deadline for the work so I found myself meandering across the Internet. I don’t know what inspired me to play the lottery. I don’t do it very often and in my more lucid moments I think of it as a tax on the aspirations of the poor. But then again, I’m a money tart just like anyone else.

I filled in the numbers on the “lucky dip”. That sounds so tacky and fairground. I paid my money. Electronic money but real money nevertheless and went on my way.

Then I forgot about it.

They next morning I turned the computer on read to work. It’s the same old ritual. E-mail, news and a look at the to do list. I’m organised and methodical like that. I had a quick look down the 50 or so messages that were dropping into my box. One had a subject line that said “Good news about your ticket”.

Oh no. So this is what it feels like. That moment of anticipation. They normally send me messages like “Don’t forget to buy your ticket” which is a way of saying “oh shucks, you’ve lost, better luck next time” or “Make your life a little easier”, as though it was that simple.

But this was the real thing. I felt a shiver down my spine. I wanted to hold on to that delicious moment of torture. But I also had feelings of guilt.

“Give it away? Why?” “Well, what would I do with all that cash?” “Where do I start? You’ll never have to work again” “I want to keep working. What would I do with myself otherwise?” “Never heard of sea, sex and sun?” “What have I done to deserve it?” “Oh, that’s great, you’re getting a conscience now”

I stared stupidly at my screen for quite a while as though I wanted time to stop just there.

£8.10 on the euromillions.

A relief. No need to feel guilty.

Oh well, better luck next time.

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I’m part of a generation that didn’t learn to type as a teenager. There were no computers around and typing courses were for secretaries, exclusively girls (disclaimer: we’re talking 1970s here). I  ”learnt” on a Hoverspeed VDU in a previous life as a travel agent. I then fumbled through a few years working in travel on reservation systems that didn’t really require typing skills, just a few lines of commands that never changed. I didn’t do any word processing so I could get away with it.

Useless typist

So my typing is useless. Let’s be generous and say I use three fingers (OK, perhaps four). On a good day I’m slow and I’m very grateful for the spell checker because I can guarantee a typo rate of one a sentence.

When I came to translating in 1996, I was “typing” with 3 fingers. I thought that was quite adequate at first and used to spend hours slaving away at my machine to do the most modest of jobs. I only had me to support but looking back I used to spend hours working for only a modest income. The days, unfortunately, are only 24 hours long.

Is voice recognition the answer?

More recently my 3 finger typing skills have been replaced by a microphone and a voice recognition system. That has enabled me to dictate up to 10,000 words on a good (long) day. The problem is that it’s not always very accurate. Not only is it sensitive to computer speed and performance but also posture and fatigue in the voice.

It has little idiosyncrasies. There are some words that it won’t recognise like “dimension” and it’s useless at acronyms, especially of they have more than 3 letters. Once you’ve spent a day with a microphone wrapped around your head, believe me, it hurts. I sympathise with call centre operators across the world. Although not with call centres, they’re annoying, pesky things

Mavis Beacon is my muse

So I’m learning to touch type. Voice recognition software is a false friend. It gives me the illusion of productivity but it makes errors that I have to correct and on a bad day I don’t even see.

I’m not sure what to make of Mavis Beacon. Her product is a bit of a roller coaster, she talks to me every time I open it up. She hectors and patronises me a bit. When I do really badly, she says I should practice and she’s a stickler for accuracy. But for now, she’s my only muse and I and will come out of the experience with a new skill.

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For as long as people have been able to communicate with each other, there have been stories. Every language and every culture has produced its folk tales, sagas or fairy stories. They have been passed on from one generation to another first through the oral tradition and then, after the invention of the printing press in the fifteenth century, in books.

Fairy stories populated our imagination when we were young. We didn’t realise it of course but they were packed with symbolism. Freud was the first to reveal the symbolism that told a different story to the one that was first apparent and uncover our hopes and fears, particularly through folk mythologies involving wolves. Bruno Bettleheim further expanded this in 1976 in The Uses of Enchantment.

Let’s take an example. Cinderella is a typical rags to riches tale. It’s also a coming of age story where the child who is downtrodden and persecuted by her step-sisters at the beginning grows and blossoms into the fully-fledged young woman who marries her Prince Charming at the end. She is now ready for the responsibilities of adulthood (and she gets rich).

You can see where this is going, can’t you? Fairy tales like that symbolise genuine aspects of our psychological and physical existence. They are pointers to our real world behaviour and, as children, we need them just as much as food, warmth and shelter. They have incredible power as they are hard wired into us.

All the greatest brands all use some sort of back story to underpin their core values or their leaders. They stand by their ability to bring people together. This is how we identify with them and take them to our hearts.

Take Cinderella into the business world. She was born to a doting mother and father and had a happy early childhood. Or she started out with some pretty powerful backers and she thrived in her early years.

Then her mother died and her father remarried. Or rather there was a change of shareholder and things took a serious downturn because in addition to the new shareholder, new board members came in and proceeded to take over the company. Cinderella was reduced to doing all the menial tasks and was no longer allowed to be the figurehead.

Finally, an opportunity for a new contract came up with a new extremely rich backer who only wanted to work with Cinderella. So she closed down the old, failing business and moved into a new world of prosperity with her new partner, Prince Charming.

Symbolism can be used to powerful effect to engage with readers. It enables us to wrap up very basic business messages in stories that people want to read. It is also one of the building blocks of a great brand and we should not be afraid to use it in our communication.

Some more ideas? Aesop’s Tortoise and the Hare, Hans Christian Andersen’s Ugly Duckling or Charles Perrault’s Little Red Riding Hood. I’m not seriously suggesting using the stories of our childhood to illustrate business messages. I am however underlining the importance of a story in the promotion of an idea or concept or dare I say it, a product.

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Innocent Drinks is a brand close to my heart as it has a strong basis in writing. Their cartons tell amusing little stories whilst getting the boring compliance information across. They engage with their customers even inviting them to drop in to “Fruit Towers” for a chat. I don’t know to what extent that’s a relic from the early days, but it’s a sign of how they create a dialogue with the people that buy their products. In the same way, their web site gives the impression that they’re just cool, regular guys.

The foreign language versions do the same. the French one even perhaps goes a bit further, inviting people to “La Halle aux Fruits” and asking you to bonjour@innocent.fr.

The trouble with a highly popular company like Innocent is that sometimes its customers think they own a little part of it. Of course, they do own some of the brand because they have bought into it literally and philosophically. So they feel some justification in kicking up a stink when, as they see it, it sells out to The Man/Mammon ( delete as applicable).

So why allow Coca-Cola a 30% stake? I’m not going to get into the rights and wrongs of the deal. I (and you dear reader) would be here all day or all night. A recent article in Marketing Week advances the idea that small, ethically-based brands may be acting as Trojan horses within their own larger parent companies and they are actually influencing the marketing and branding of their larger partners.

I for one raise an eyebrow when the very virtuous Green and Black’s  was gobbled up by Cadbury a couple of years ago. Now, it seems that the flagship Dairy Milk will be sourced exclusively from Fairtrade sources from the end of the summer. Fairtrade  is very much part of the zeitgeist these days, but can it be pure coincidence?

It  should not be forgotten that Cadbury’s has its own ethical past with its Quaker founding principles and its Bourneville village near Birmingham built in the 19th century for its employees and others who would otherwise have lived in slums. Just as Lever Brothers  built Port Sunlight.

The very same Lever Brothers who through their modern Unilever incarnation bought Ben & Jerry’s in 2000. It is reported from within Unilever that Ben & Jerry’s has had an impact on the sourcing policies of other brands in the portfolio such as Lipton tea and PG Tips. Ice cream production has been moved from Vermont to Europe and a sustainable dairy programme has been developed with the help of of the parent company with aim of making the operation carbon neutral. These large scale projects would not have been possible without funding and support from Unilever.

So, three companies, three brands, Innocent, Green & Black’s  and Ben & Jerry’s. All  trailblazing worthy brands that have had to bring in outside help in order to expand. Sold out  do the litte guys or Trojan horses ready to attack from the inside? Innocent say they chose Coca-Cola because they promised to be the most hands off. Let’s hope their engaging style does not suffer in the process.

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With the greatest respect to designers, people don’t just look at Web sites because the pictures are pretty, it’s because they want to find something. Whether you want to provide information, a product or a service, words are still the best way we have of telling people what we do. So here are a few hints to organising those words so that they are read and understood.

1 – Write a strong headline that solves a problem

I see so many web pages that use “Welcome to my Website” as the headline. Polite, but lame. Your headline is a unique opportunity to stand out and grab your reader’s attention

2 – Talk to your audience

You do know what your target audience is don’t you? Talk to them and address their concerns.

3 – Be clear

Unless you’re talking to a specific audiences that understands your jargon, cut it out. Don’t bore them with too many details.

Suggest things to them and get them to ask you questions rather than giving them all the answers.

4 – Be brief, organised and relevant

Write short sentences organised under short headings and stay ON-BRAND. Talk about your products or services; features and benefits, features and benefits, features and benefits (and what did I say about features and benefits? did you get that?)

5 – It’s all about them, not you

People want to know what you can do for them; they don’t want a mission statement.

6 – Usability is the word

High-quality copy and relevant keywords will bring users to you. Work with a designer rather than separately and remember that users tend to scan Web copy rather than read it. They’re in a hurry.

7 – Write proper, plain English

That might sound obvious, but how many sites do you see (or direct mail for that matter) with sloppy spelling and even worse grammar? Spell checkers, whilst not infallible, are a minimum requirement. Failure to do this will make you look amateur. Then have someone else – not involved in your business – read it. Prepare to be offended.

8 – Calls to action

People won’t buy from your site unless you tell them to.

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